A Humble Thank you!

Just a quick note of thanks to say I feel incredibly fortunate to have heard from so many of you. Your support means the world! Thank you for sharing your stories, your advice, and telling me that you’re rooting for me.

This wasn’t an easy decision and I’ve wrestled with it for years. It was incredibly easy for me to fall into not wanting children and eventually just knowing I’d age out of the option. I was more than happy to be the Aunt and, even though I have loved all my past partners, I didn’t see myself having children with any of them. It was easy to think “Ok, I just won’t do it” - especially in my 20s! I wanted to travel and have money and not argue with a significant other about whose turn it was to change a diaper or do the dishes or micromanage someone else’s parenting. I have always loved children but knew I would be fine without them.

For me, like so many of us, 2020 was a mess. I lost work, I let myself go from my company to preserve any money we had to make sure we’d survive, and spent a lot of it lost. Wondering what was next. Wandering. I took walks for hours and listened to countless podcasts. While I focused on just daily movement of my body and meditation, I became more in tune with what I wanted, and this is the path to which it has led. I’m nervous, excited, and terrified. I don’t have the luxury of trying naturally with a partner because there isn’t one. It’s a slow, weird process that starts with heartbreak, research, sperm donors, blood tests, and medical procedures. It’s expensive. It’s filled with terrible odds - just google the success rate of an IUI or ICI. After six treatment cycles, the pregnancy success rate for ICI is 37.9 percent. For IUI, the success rate is 40.5 after six treatments. That’s six vials of sperm at $600-1,000 a pop without the cost of the actual ICI or IUI, which is completely dependent on your health insurance. I know it’s going to be exhausting and emotional.

It’s a different path than I had ever envisioned for myself but it is now one I see so clearly. Pregnancy is a complicated, sensitive topic and I hope to approach sharing it with honesty and love. To help others who might be in a similar position as me and to provide a resource for what that looks like. To share in the joy and the pain. I don’t think there’s a wrong way to become a parent - or to choose not to parent. I think everyone should do what they are called to do and I am looking forward to sharing my story.